Superwomen ofSoul
“You are gonna have to work your ass off to have half of what they have. You are going to have to work twice as hard because you’re Black and because you’re a woman” is said gently, fervently, dismissively, encouragely, and most importantly damagingly.
What a subtle form of abuse. Mental abuse. Imagine living in a world where bad sh*t happens but because of your body and skin, and it happens disproportionately to you rather than anyone else. The kind of mental pain and battery Black women are subjected to at various points in our lives has catastrophic potential but no one one ever really sees us break down though, isn’t it funny?… You’ve probably never even seen a Black teenage girl, a Black young adult woman, or grown ass Black woman crying in public, just crying, just sad, just broken. I’ll let you in on a secret, you won’t. They just do that sh*t at home, not in public…because we wouldn’t dare let the racist get the best of us, and we wouldn’t dare let Black men think we don’t love them.
But what do we do when we are just so damn tired? I don’t know. I really don’t know but I’m on the journey to figure it out. Most of my life I’ve always listened to music to identify, relieve, and then release my pain. There’s something healing about music. Even more healing when it’s soulful and enriching, and soothing. Sometimes the gut-wrenching belts are even therapeutic. This playlist encourages Black women to continue to use our resilience as a means of resistance but also provide emotional awareness.
Mad
Solange may sound sweet and angelic on the track Mad but she is mad. Mad as hell.
And we hear the perspective of Hip-Hop’s beloved prince Lil Wayne. Together they create an uncharted scale of vulnerability unforeseen in Black men and women.
Solange heeds with the warningYou got the right to be madBut when you carry it alone, you find it only getting in the wayThey say you gotta let it go.
She’s urging us that it is okay to be very angry but do not let the fire consume you. Too often we see hurtful images of violence against Black bodies. That’s enough to drive someone crazy, but who will fight the fight, live another day to fight? After this ominous message Solange proceeds to explain her encounter with a girl who represents the population of people who just can’t seem to understand why Black people, particularly Black women are so mad, however they fail to recognize that constantly being overloaded with tragedy and injustice can affect someone’s mental health.
ran into this girl, she said, “Why you always blaming?”“Why you can’t just face it?” (Be mad, be mad, be mad)“Why you always gotta be so mad?” (Be mad, be mad, be mad)“Why you always talking sh*t, always be complaining?”“Why you always gotta be, why you always gotta be so mad?” (Be mad, be mad, be mad)I got a lot to be mad about (Be mad, be mad, be mad)
Solange sings melodically under Lil Wayne verse, as he exposes himself to be someone so torn down and broken that he admits to a past suicide attempt as a child. He also discusses his ongoing public struggle with drug abuse.
Yeah, but I, got a lot to be mad aboutGot a lot to be a man aboutGot a lot to pop a Xan aboutI used to rock hand-me-downs, and now I rock standing crowdsBut it’s hard when you onlyGot fans around and no fam aroundAnd if they are, then their hands are outAnd they pointing fingersWhen I wear this f*cking burden on my back like a motherf*cking cap and gownThen I walk up in the bank, pants sagging downAnd I laugh at frowns, what they mad about?‘Cause here come this motherf*cker with this mass accountThat didn’t wear cap and gownAre you mad 'cause the judge ain’t give me more time?And when I attempted suicide, I didn’t dieI remember how mad I was on that dayMan, you gotta let it go before it get up in the way
The reality that plagues so many in our community… mental illness. The depression emerging from a hopelessness that Black suffering may never end and the anxiety of will it be me next? Both artists exhibit so much vulnerability. Both artists have helped me identify my emotions as well as the potential source of my anger. Most importantly this song let me know that although at moments it may feel impossible to not internalize the pain of racism and exclusion, but we can’t. We have to continue to live and breathe, not letting our rage consume us to the point where we are self destructive.
Solange reveals an even more sad reality
I ran into this girl, I said, “I’m tired of explaining”Man, this sh*t is drainingBut I’m not really allowed to be mad
Bag Lady
Erykah Badu, Queen Mother Erykah of the Neo-soul genre. Mrs. Badu sparks the incense and burning away in the fumes are feelings of insecurity, uncertainty, and most importantly how the journey of loving others and yourself will forever be a continuous spiritual ascendance. Similarly to Solange Badu encourages Black women to overcome their pain and sorrow. Bag lady is just that, a song about a lady carrying a bag that’s too heavy, it trips her up, crowds her space, and leaves her feeling excluded from the likes of care-free happy women. That bag of pain needs to be dropped and left because there is an alternative life available - freedom and relief.
Bag lady you goin’ hurt your backDraggin’ all 'em bags like thatI guess nobody ever told youAll you must hold on toIs you, is you, is you
Black girls often carry the burdens of our mothers pain, toxic lovers, hostile work environments, abuse, and mental illness. It’s hard to believe that the strong and resilient front that Black women put up hides this magnitude of emotional trauma. The promotion of healing and growth amongst Black women is spreading like wildfire. Through spirituality, therapy, and valued self-care routines, Black girls all over the world are learning that all we must protect is ourselves. However to let go of pain we have to embark on a journey of self. What does it mean to live your true self?
This journey sounds like peaches and roses but it’s not. It takes a hell of a lot to call out those who wrong you with or neglected your cries. Erykah Badu acknowledges that part of the journey too
And we can’t let go ooo oooOhh, when someone hurts youOhh, so bad insideYou can’t deny itYou can’t stop cryin’So, ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohhBut just as the dark hole of the past is about to wraps around you and send you down a trip to memory hell, she offers sound adviceIf you start breathin’ babeYou won’t believe it babeYou’ll feel so much better
Badu makes it clear that to be able to release all the pain that others have caused is rewarding and creates a feeling of true contentment.
I Gotta Find Peace of Mind
From Lauryn Hill’s MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 album, we are gifted with I Gotta Find Peace of Mind and I’m with you Mrs. Hill we all have to find some peace right now.
I Gotta Find Peace of Mind is such a beautiful song to me because it does not make an urgent and generalized message of let it go Black girl, Instead Hill skillfully arranges the song to call out the negative thoughts that are holding on to us.
He says it’s impossible, but I know it’s possibleHe says it’s impossible, but I know it’s possibleHe says there’s no me without himPlease help me forget about himHe takes all my energy, trapped in my memoryConstantly holding me, constantly holding meI need to tell you all, all the pain he’s causedI need to tell I’m, I’m undone because
Hill explores the idea that although negativity can be overwhelming at first because it feels burdensome, eventually that feeling creates a blanket of comfortability. Not believing that things will change is a horrible mindset; it creates a foundation of stagnancy: accepting the bare minimum, because you feel inherently unworthy of the best things this world has to offer. That’s quite a journey to embark on but Lauryn Hill explains that when negativity tells us that things don’t change she uses her faith in God to encourage her need to want more and better.
Essentially Hill is singing about a long defeat against beast of self-doubtHe says it’s impossible, but I know it’s possibleHe says it’s impossible without him, but I know it’s possibleTo finally be in loveAnd know the real meaning ofA lasting relationship, not based on ownershipI trust every part of you, 'cause all that IAll that you say you doYou love me despite myself
The battle between negativity and positivity is a war Hill describes quite literally. She repeats the negativity ingrained in her psyche from trauma versus the oracle that’s leading her to a life of peace. Although I am not religious, I am highly spiritual and I believe that faith is transformative. Hill is resisting scarcity in love and restoring her hope. All the positive messages young Black girls need to explore deeply and more personally for themselves and their healing.
Hill documents the journey she goes through fighting with her less self-determined versus her higher self and being, that fulfills purpose. They go back and forth viscously
He says it’s impossibleBut I know it’s possibleHe says it’s improbableBut I know it’s tangibleHe says it’s not grabbableBut I know it’s haveable'Cause anything’s possibleOh anything is possible
The moment the bickering is done, Hill knows with conviction that her faith will grant her a peace of mind. She will be granted a break from the habitual lies that negativity has held over her.
At this point of the song Hill is making guttural belts that signal the importance of freedom. Hill just wants to be free of her pessimistic thoughts. She’s begging for change and a peace of mind.
Oh free, free, free, free your mindFree, free your mindFree, free your mindFree, free, free, free your mindOh, it’s so possible
This moment of the song makes me feel that I am watching a live performance of an alchemy. I’m hearing and watching despair being transformed into hope. Fear transformed into exploration, And most notably I’m hearing pain being turned into joy.
The demand for free- will and free-thinking has been granted to Hill.
The gags and choke ups that crying produces in our throat is indication we are being held back from announcing our truth. Hill is declaring the opposite, crying with joy can choke you up to.
That old me is left behindYou’re my peace of mindYou’re my peace of mindHe’s my peace of mindHe’s my peace of mindHe’s my peace of mindWhat a joy it is to be aliveTo get another chance, yeahEveryday’s another chanceTo get it right this timeEveryday’s another chanceOh what a merciful, merciful, merciful God
God has given her a second chance to live a life without pain and constant struggle. The heavy sob Lauryn Hill release is one of relief.
This song is very personal and dear to me because whilst being at the mercy of functional depression for a significant portion of my life, I would always question if life truly gets better than this. Not seeing a life well-lived and enjoyed by those in my personal life was a running narrative and it was outright depressing. I would always look for happiness when I eventually decided that I had to choose happiness and peace. I had to fight for my happiness by first believing happiness is true and obtainable. I now feel freedom too and yes I do sob uncontrollably like Hill while singing this song
My Life
My Life by Mary J. Blige samples the summer classic, Everybody Loves the Sun by Roy Ayers. The original sampled song is typically thought to be upbeat and uplifting gaze into tranquility. The song was recorded to mimic that clarity that befalls us just as the sunset. Sounds like a beautiful perspective right? I was delighted to find that Mary J Blige released a documentary to celebrate the 25th anniversary of her most prolific and personal album. In the documentary Mary J Blige’s My Life, Mary dissects the origins of her love of the track Everybody Loves the Sunshine. As cameras roll she repeats the lyrics “in the sunshine” and “my life in the sunshine” from the Roy Ayers original. She cites, “that record made me feel like I can have something…my life in the sunshine is what I wanted”. Similarly to Mary J. Blige I was brought up in a household where music was everything and I distinctly remember hearing Everybody Loves the Sun and crying because the sound was alluring and haunting. Just like Blige I recognized the joy ingrained in the production of the music from the singers to the composer to the instruments. I have wanted to find that kind of joy and peace ever since I was a child. The initial perspective to the song is to be uplifting right? But for me it became my cry for help. I needed to be that happy but how? I digress back to My Life though. Mary J Blige uses her single My Life to reveal that she has seen some terrible dispiriting things in her life but the desire to be happy should remain the constant focus instead of the negativity of a painful past.
If you looked in my life
And see what I’ve seen…
If you looked in my life
And see what I’ve seen…
If you looked in my life
And see what I’ve seen…
If you looked in my life
And see what I’ve seen..
The reason why this song is so powerful is because it connects to the broken black girls who have witnessed abuse, who have been victims of abuse themselves, to black girls who had to survive in unsuitable impoverished communities, and most importantly Black girls who physically survived hell. This song transforms our pain into a hope that we too will one day see the sunshine.
Cause He’ll give you peace of mindYes He willAnd you’ll see the sunshineFor real, yes you wouldAnd you’ll get to free your mindAnd things will turn out fineOh, I know that things will turn out fineYes they would, yes they would
Blige believes heavily that a relationship with God will help one remain hopeful that things in our life can be changed and with faith follows freedom.
This exercise has helped me choose from a plethora of songs that acknowledge the core of Black women’s pain and internal struggles,but also triumph. Although these songs definitely put me in my bag, I find that listening to sad songs has its perks, because it really allows you to identify with an artist that also wants to be seen and heard. In the case of Black women we are tired of being accused of being angry and combative, or using misdirected anger to get our point across. Deep down we are sad, tired of feeling neglected and misunderstood. The intersectionality of Black women’s struggles include sexism, racism, classism, etc. National issues such as maternal mortality, rampant sexual/physical abuse, single-parenthood, adultification of Black youth, the appropriation and theft of Black women’s fashion and style, and mental illness are all the burdens that rest of the backs of Black women at some point in their lives, but how do we cope? I’m still researching the ways that Black find healthy coping mechanisms to soothe the never-ending fight for the liberation of gender based violence and discrimination, but for now if you ever need raw insight to the emotions that conflict Black women daily, you can start with this playlist.
